Alright So We All Know That Sex-Pos Is No Longer Fashionable (and rightly so, it had a lot of issues) but honestly, I do not want to see a backswing towards sex neg.

thepeacockangel:

I grew up with sex neg parents and a lot of my fucked up sex shit?  A lot of the times I blamed myself for being a victim of rape and domestic violence?

Those are the results of growing up in a second wave feminist household.  I grew up with that shit, and it’s not a good way to grow up.  Neither is “All sex is a radical act, and queer unicorn glitter orgies with no concepts of intersectionality are the future, and quit being such a pruuuuuude” like that sucks.

But you know what also sucks?  Having your feminist dad tell you that “Men don’t respect women who have sex with them too easily” and my mom telling me that casual sex “isn’t something smart girls do” and that “BDSM is for people from fucked up repressive backgrounds” (oh irony of ironies!)

These are the attitudes that made me blame how I was dressed for my rape, because I was flirty or nice or open or talking to men (which isn’t what smart girls do, is it?) or that my abusive boyfriend was what I deserved for liking pain during sex.

I degraded all women with my behavior.  I was bad.  I deserved it, because somehow it was my fault that society teaches men it’s alright to hurt women whether they like it or not, because the personal is political, and wasn’t I supposed to be better than that?  When my abusive boyfriend refused to come on my face, a meekly made request so that maybe this time I might get to enjoy the sex I felt obligated to have with him because otherwise he’d threaten suicide, because it was ‘degrading to women’ I didn’t think ‘what’s degrading is the physical and emotional torture you put me through’ I thought ‘well, that’s probably right.’

I felt like my sexual yearning, my lust, my carnal appetite was the problem.  If only I didn’t want it, and I thought if I wanted any I deserved whatever I got, even if it was harassed into showing my 17 year old breasts to a 45 year old man who followed me downstairs after a showing of Rocky Horror 

That is how I felt, that’s how it was, that’s not what I want to go back to.

This is still important to me