15 Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Working

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  1. They’ve got shifty eyes
  2. You find a horse in the stable where your horse oughta be.  
  3. They explain the horse away as a milk cow.
  4. IDK screaming? 
  5. They tell you “I think this relationship isn’t working”
  6. Uncontrollable itching
  7. “Here I Go Again On My Own” by White Snake playing constantly in the background
  8. They correct your pronunciation of hasenpfeffer
  9. A flock of ravens passing westward over your house
  10. Your orchard blooms out of season
  11. Roosters laying eggs
  12. Old women cross themselves when you pass by
  13. The well goes dry
  14. Bad harvest
  15. You can’t stop reading these goddamn stupid listicles about whether or not your relationship is working.
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Published by Madeira Darling

Madeira Darling is a snarky mystic, devout Satanist, serious Marxist, laughing dominatrix, and writer from San Fransisco where they live with their boyfriend in a house full of altars to their various demons.

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