scissortailedsaint:

missuscupcake:

theomenroom:

“lesbians have the male gaze”/”lesbians can objectify women too” is a very convenient way for straight women to dress up “I’m uncomfortable with lesbians” in feminist language.

But girls who like girls *can* objectify women, can’t we? I’ve been told so many times I make others uncomfortable because I like girls, because I look at them funny to whatever… It’s because I’m objectifying them as much as men do, isn’t it? That’s what I’ve been told…

I’m glad you asked and I’d like to assure you that this isn’t true! The idea that lesbians have the male gaze because they’re attracted to women, or that their attraction to girls is objectification, is not only false but lesbophobic. It’s a common myth used to demonize woman/woman attraction and paint it (and the women who have it) as dangerous and harmful to other women. But our attraction to girls isn’t like that.

People conflate “objectification of women” with “attraction to women,” but this is wrong. Objectification is not ultimately about feeling attracted to someone, but about dehumanizing them. When we talk about “objectification of women,” we should be talking about misogyny and how women are reflexively seen as (sexual) objects for men’s use. Girls don’t have the same relation to this: we’re not being taught to see girls as objects for OUR use, but to see ourselves as objects for men. 

There isn’t something magical about being attracted to girls that suddenly puts us on the guys’ side of misogyny. Women don’t ever have “the male gaze” and we don’t ‘objectify women just as much as men do.’ 

On the other hand, everyone is also taught that girls’ attraction to other girls is wrong and dangerous, and that girls who like girls are wrong and dangerous. This colors how other women interact with lesbians, and it can make them feel uncomfortable and suspicious around lesbians… even when nothing is happening. Straight women have a habit of blaming their simple discomfort around lesbians on lesbians – as if lesbians’ actions, and not their own lesbophobia, must always be the real cause of their discomfort – and it’s shitty and wrong.

I’m not a straight woman, and I don’t think women ever have the male gaze, but I do think that it’s possible for a person of any gender to objectify a person of any other gender, and not just for attraction reasons, the thing is men systemically objectify women, just as white people systemically objectify POC, and while I had a girlfriend once who really bought into the whole “LOL bitches, bro-fist-bump, I banged a ton of sluts” thing and treated the women she slept with that way (including me), she isn’t the one who built that system and while her behavior was shitty and problematic, it’s still ultimately a performance to gain approval from the patriarchy by showing it she could treat women the same way it did.

I think it’s also important to note that a group doesn’t have to be comprised 100% of perfect people with 100% perfect anti-oppression politics 100% of the time for that group not to deserve to be oppressed.  Like are their lesbians who objectify women? Yup, are they the systemic reason for the objectification of women?  Nope.  Does saying “Lesbians make me uncomfortable” make you a shit?  Hell yeah.