There’s a really tidy Freudian explanation of my desire for beautiful feminine dominant men.
So there’s castration anxiety and people with vags all feel castrated and are horrified and what not? A beautiful feminine dominant man is an uncastrated (metaphorically and literally, dominant where I am submissive, possessed of a cock where I am not) version of myself, my Tyler Durden. Obvs this is nonsense but it’s so amusingly tidy. Also my fetish for enhancing my breasts and transformation could be read as the confusion of breast and phallus and a desire to correct my perceived castration, as well my pleasure in giving blow jobs a desire for motherly nurturance because of my breast phallus confusion
also my ideal self being blended with the mother thing suggests tension surrounding the difference between mother and self
Have I mentioned what a nightmare person I am?
Thoughts From The Peacock Angel 