but I feel like we don’t talk often enough about the negative impacts the culture that surrounds monogamous relationships can have on people of all relationship styles/orientations.
monogamy culture will have you believe that it’s normal to be jealous and territorial over your partner and their interactions with other people – especially interactions with people that they could eventually develop a romantic/sexual interest in.
monogamy culture will tell you that you are the only person your partner should ever show romantic/sexual interest in, and if your partner makes the mistake of developing feelings/attraction toward another person, it’s because you are not enough.
monogamy culture will tell you that certain sacrifices must be made in order to build a life with another person, and if you aren’t keen to make those sacrifices for your partner, you are selfish and not ready for “real” commitment.
monogamy culture will tell you that relationships are only valuable if they are “going somewhere,” somewhere usually meaning lifelong commitment in the form of marriage or domestic partnership. if you aren’t ready to shack up, propose, have kids with, or make other commitments to someone whom you’ve been dating for an extended period of time, you are again considered selfish and not ready for a “real” relationship.
monogamy culture will tell you that one partner should satisfy most of your needs. the rest can be dealt with via compromise on your end. when you can no longer deal with having certain needs go unsatisfied, your only option is to end the current relationship and (usually) pursue someone else.
monogamy culture will tell you that there are certain things you must rely on your significant other for. they should be the most intimate relationship you have, the person you gain validation from, the person from whom you ask advice first, the ultra absolute most special person you’ve ever had in your life. if anyone else compares in the slightest, they are a threat to the relationship.
obviously not all monogamous couples exhibit these characteristics, because monogamy itself is not the problem. the problem is this weird, jealous, insecure, culture surrounding monogamy that is constantly perpetuated by the media and so much of society.
Monogamy for people who don’t really want to be monogamous is unhealthy af. Like I’m pretty much satisfied with D, having other partners sounds exhausting to me. I’ve done that and it’s too emotionally demanding for me, not because of jealousy but because you have to balance so many people (two is a lot to me, I exhaust socially easily) but for other people poly can be fantastic.
It’s funny I feel like people who exhibit these traits in relationships aren’t really suited to monogamy. I’m hardly ever jealous over D, and the same with D over me, because we know each other, and know how we both are.
Thoughts From The Peacock Angel 