donrickles:

Dear Straight White Men,

I am one of you. I have spent time on tumblr, I know what you’re feeling. There are a lot of people calling us out as pieces of shit. You like to laugh at it and joke about it and talk about how other straight white men are shitheads. But then someone says it in a different way. A way that seems like it implicates you. A way that makes you uncomfortable.

This is the point where some of you drop your supposed beliefs in equality and start writing a post about how if everyone REALLY wants equality they shouldn’t generalize about straight white men. How if it’s wrong for men to insult women or white people to insult people of color or straight people to insult gay people or cisgendered people to insult transgendered people then the reverse must be wrong as well. That’s why I’m writing this. To call you out on that shit. I don’t know that I’m a talented enough essayist to properly lay out the many, many reasons what you’re thinking makes you a shithead, so I’ll simply provide a list.

1. Insulting straight white men is not the same as insulting any other group because it isn’t actually about the insults. It is about power. When we belittle another group we are holding their heads below water. When they belittle us they’re complaining that we’re holding their heads below water. So, maybe they made a comment about white guys in general that doesn’t apply to every white guy. When other groups of people stand up to the insults they’re standing up to all of the injustice in their lives. When you stand up to insults you’re whining. Worse, you’re whining about the treatment of a group you claim to realize are generally pretty shitty people. So, if the insult really doesn’t apply to you, prove it. Live that ideal. Don’t stand up and shout about it though. Don’t pretend you’re the victim here. You’re never going to be the victim.

2. The word ally exists for a reason. An ally is someone aligned with a cause, someone aiming to help a cause, without actually being a part of it. We lack the experience to really get in that deep. When a person of color decides to fight inequality they’re noticing their own mistreatment and marginalization and standing up to it. They’re being brave and saying they won’t put up with it anymore. They’ve been slighted and they’re doing something about it. All we’ve done is recognized on an intellectual level that people should be treated like people. We do not deserve any awards for this. When someone is speaking about straight white males as separate from them it is because we are. You can try your best to empathize and understand but you will always be a guest in their house. This is why you don’t get to dictate to women how feminism works.

3. If you’re not happy with being a guest in their house, that’s your straight white male privilege talking. Please check yourself and make sure you’re in this for the right reasons. You should be standing up for the rights of others because others deserve rights, not just because you want to be on the better side of things. If the worst thing you ever have to suffer is feeling slightly unwanted in conversations about equality you’re doing okay. By the luck of the draw you were born with like 90% of the things it takes to make it through life successfully. If you get defensive when someone calls out straight white men on their shit it isn’t because you’re the one who wants real equality it’s because you’re not used to being made uncomfortable about something you can’t change. Congratulations, you’ve had your first taste of what people are fighting against. If that is the worst thing you’ve got to deal with because of who you are, you’re doing better than most.

4. That generalized comment about straight white men that doesn’t apply to you? It applies to you. It applies to me too. This goes back to my first point. As allies we’ve gotten to the point where we can intellectually see that there is a lot of systemic inequality. That our world has a serious power imbalance. We do not, however, know all of the specifics. I know that women deserve to be treated like men and that they aren’t. I know that women aren’t paid equally, I know that women are over-sexualized, I know that women are told they have a specific role in society and then told that role is worthless. I get the obvious things, the things that are written about and expressly explained to me. I can do the mental math and find other societal inequalities from there. Still, like clockwork, every fucking day someone will explain to me some problem I never even noticed was there. I once made the argument that the word “bitch" didn’t have to be inherently sexist. I want to punch the guy that said that in the head and it was me like a year ago. I’m sure there is evidence of me saying other shitty things with the best of intentions. I’m sure in a few months I’ll realize how problematic a thought I’m having right now is. Maybe someone will explain to me a terrible flaw in this post I’m writing right now. Most of our job as allies in any fight for equality is to stand back and recognize the shit we’re doing wrong and not do it anymore. So, maybe you called out some blogger for saying straight white men just don’t get it. Maybe they backtracked a little on their generalization and said they just meant most straight white men, not necessarily you or I. They shouldn’t have done that. They did mean all of us. At best we’re slightly better than other straight white guys, at worst we’re just as bad and think we’re better. That is the worst. I hope I’m not one of those guys. I hate those guys.

Yes, kind of, but also I feel like there isn’t really space for GNC men to talk anywhere, like they shouldn’t talk over women in feminism (obviously) and if they’re straight and cis, well their voices don’t belong in LGBTQ spaces, so like IDK, it’s not like they don’t benefit from aspects of male privilege but also some aspects are conditional…