I’m a super boring and lazy 20-something that lazes around the house all day watching Netflix and getting chips all over the floor. I only ever do anything if I absolutely have to but I will for sure fake it if you’ll pay me enough.
I find you revolting but I’ll fuck you like you’re the love of my life because my job is 100% an act and as pathetic as you are, you’ll believe it…
If you want the most believable fake person to fuck you, get up with me so I can dread seeing you for as long as possible.
Email me at JustSTFUandPayMe@omfgGoAway.comI will let you go over time by thirty minutes to convince you I really like you. Joke’s on you tho, I do this for everyone and it’s never a second over 30. I promise to only make depressed/angry faces while you’re looking away.
email me at notgettingpaidenough@toputupwithyour.shit
I wanted to get high in bed with my partner but I’m here with you instead, congrats? I’m much better at pretending to be a cock-crazed nymphomaniac than pretending that you’re “different to my other clients”. My attempt to act like I’m not repulsed by masculinity is passable if yr judgement is clouded by male entitlement. I always try to make you come prematurely and I would prefer to only see Asian clients but hey, you’re here, I guess. Every time I do an intro with a white guy I deliberately half ass it in the hope he picks someone else. I will try to keep you flat on your back for as much of the booking as possible so you can’t annoy me but you won’t notice because I’ll be fake orgasming too hard. If you try to kiss my cheek I will avert my face.
Email me at ihatemenhelpmegethigh@fuckyoupayme.com
The only time I actively get out of bed and leave my apartment is so I can entertain your crusty, middle aged ass. I’ll be thoroughly irritated the entire time and counting down the seconds until I can leave. I’ll pretend that my moaning and squirming is because “baby you’re so good with your tongue” when in reality you couldn’t make me cum if there was a giant runway pointing to my G spot. You’re revolting, and I promise whatever delusions you have of me being super turned on is actually me thinking about all the awesome shit I can buy because your wife no longer wants to fuck your crypt keeper looking ass.
Fucking love these!!!!!!!
I could be working on my thesis or (more likely) watching Netflix right now, but I’m here with your disgusting, hairy ass. Literally the only time I will clean my “quiet, intimate” incall location is when you are coming over. I’ll light a few candles to cover the weird trash smell and shove all my clothes into the closet, but don’t ask for much more. My flirty, innocent giggles are either because I wasn’t paying attention or because you’ve shoved your tongue into my ear and I’m trying to cover how disgusted I am. I’ll try to make sure my annoyed faces only happen when you’re not looking and I’ll make sure to “cum” 75 times, so you can get a boost to your fragile male ego.
Email me – thisisliterallyjustajob@ihateyou.com
I spent the bare minimum amount of time getting ready to give the impression of effortlessness and natural beauty, when really it’s effortless because i’m just lazy. when you come into my place i’ll make a joke about my shitty couch or house repairs so that you can volunteer a Valuable Male Opinion, thereby making sure you feel Superior, and not Threatened. While you’re in the shower i’m texting my boyfriend and telling him that you bear an uncanny resemblance to gollum from lord of the rings. When we get down to it, ill have approximately 10 very convincing orgasms, tensing my legs so that they shake and occasionally faking a leg cramp from the sheer intensity. afterwards i’ll giggle, cover my face and feign embarrassment at my completely uncontrollable pleasure during what was copulation, although be assured that if at any point you couldn’t see my face, i was definitely rolling my eyes so hard that i probably pulled a muscle. and you know how i hugged you warmly afterwards? it was only so that i could check my watch over your shoulder.
I’m a lesbian, but that’s irrelevant because it’s highly unlikely straight women enjoy fucking you either. I’m dirt poor, but pretend to be “high class” so I don’t have to see as many of you. I know you love to talk about yourself so use that to take up as much time as possible so there will be less sex. I know you pay to fuck transsexuals because you have a creepy penis fetish, but jokes on you cuz I’m trying to save up to quit this job and get a vagina. I regularly mock you both in a public blog and just for funny conversation among friends. And I know being into trans women doesn’t make you gay, but I say it anyway just to play to your insecurities.
I’m a lifestyle submissive, and utterly disgusted by masculinity, but I’ll still pretend to have the time of my life whipping you and or fiddling with finicky ass bondage equipment if you pay me enough. I’ve been doing this for a long time, so I’m equal parts jaded and way past giving a shit about any of the weird shit you’re into. My dungeon is located right next to a McDojo and a weirdly fancy bakery in the middle of the city’s large and… uh large red light district and filled with all the finest BDSM equipment I didn’t have room for at my house. I have very little patience and am expending all of my emotional energy trying not to respond to everything you say with withering sarcasm, so try not to break the illusion.
If you ask me to wear latex in summer I will lie and tell you I don’t have any, because apparently you find nothing sexier than the idea of a woman whipping you until she passes out from heat stroke, I will also do it in winter because fuck if I’m covering myself in slimy fucking rubber in freezing weather for your ugly ass.
You can also call me for deliciously dirty phone chat, which I’m paying half attention to while I’m playing Fallout in the background or hanging out with my (male, scruffy commie) friends who are trying desperately to suppress their laughter. Bonus: I will still pick up if I’m absolutely wasted and or half asleep because my doctor’s appointments are expensive.
Thoughts From The Peacock Angel 