Things That Aren’t Designed For People With Long Fingernails (and How To Deal With Them)

transformher:

thepeacockangel:

So, I have long fingernails, not just kinda long, we’re talking trashy scary over an inch past my finger tip talons, and having had them for awhile (over a year now) there are certain things I’ve noticed are particularly inconvenient in terms of industrial design.

1. This freaking style of card door handle:

Getting a finger tip under one of these little bastards without it snapping back and trying to rip a nail off is well nigh impossible. I think they were designed by manicurists to keep you coming back. Fucking door handles.

How to Deal:

Bend your finger, use your knuckle to pull the latch back.

2. Dip ATM card readers:

After about half an inch of length these freaking things turn into your greatest challenge in life, getting your card in is no problem, but getting it out again is a Three Stooges style slapstick struggle that often involves me whipping out a pair of tweezers or asking a cashier for help.

How To Deal: Tweezers, seriously.

3. Any skin cream, hair product or lip gloss in a jar type container.

Fuck these, seriously, they’re unsanitary (your hands are gross and you repeatedly contaminate the entire container.) and you end up with a claw full of excess product that you then have to scrape out with the back of another claw… and all in all it’s just gross, less than sanitary, and results in sticky/gloppy hands.

How to deal: in the case of jars with a wide enough mouth, bend your finger and use your knuckle. In cases of lipglos use a lip brush, and for creams with a narrow mouth, grab a butterknife.

4. Soda cans.

…Let me get this straight, you want me to stick my brittle, injury prone nail under this metal tab to create leverage to open the soda? How about no?

How to deal: A fork, go grab a fork (a spoon or a knife will work too), use this to pry the little devil up with.

5. Lift To Open Windows:

More often than not these creations of Satan do not have enough of a lip to properly get your fingers around them, moreover you run the risk of smashing your precious claw into a window pane divider and snapping it… basically they’re designed to hurt you and you should hate them for it.

How to deal: Either use the heels of your hands (palms up, nails back to avoid the dastardly pane dividers, or as I call them Window pains) or get a friend.

6. Anything where the buttons are small and require significant pressure to push.

Either you push them with your delicate talon tip, risking breakage, or you clumsily use your knuckle, causing inaccuracy and rage.

How to deal: Pencil eraser, or the back of those those tweezers you now bring everywhere.

7. Cosmetic Compacts That Need To Be Pried Open

These are a problem even if you have short nails, if you have long ones god help you. Sometimes, I wonder if the cosmetics industry designed these to sell nail strengtheners. If so, fuck you cosmetics industry.

How to deal: A fork or the back end of your tweezers will fix these little bastards for you.

An alternative title for this could be: Things that are assigned to people with long fingernails (by the sadists who love them)