A Long Rant About Lady Armor and Boob Plate

thepeacockangel:

I keep seeing arguments as to why boob plate should be banned from fantasy art because it is unworkable and will kill you and the argument basically says that should you ever fall down or get a blow to the chest, your armor will crunch in on your sternum killing you instantly  This argument makes me mad partially because it’s not true, and partially because  people’s proposed solutions are usually shitty boring ass “realistic”/”practical” armor (that’s wildly unrealistic and just exists in their imagination because of modern ideas of utilitarianism and practicality and the Victorians removing all the fouffy fabric bits and beautiful paint work from medieval suits of armor so that it looked “right” to them) so here’s my explanation of why it’s wrong and what we should do instead of the boring shit people usually suggest.

Boob plate.

by Feng Liu

And here’s why this argument makes me mad:

1. The problem isn’t whether or not it’s accurate, the problem is whether or not it’s misogynist,   Most fantasy armor wouldn’t articulate right, has pointy sticky offy bits that would fuck you up in all sorts of ways, and removes a lot of the ornate metal work and fabric decoration that armor actually involved, but it’s fantasy SO THAT’S OKAY

The issue is that we keep hypersexualizing every goddamned female character ever put in armor and not doing the same thing to dudes, either put the dudes in a chainmail loincloth or don’t draw goddamn boob plate.  I mean don’t even get me started on how leather armor is used so goddamned often when it was in fact a weird and incredibly rare choice.  

Making it about accuracy distracts from the fact that the actual issue at hand is misogyny.

2.  Ever seen Lorica Musculata?

3. That would only happen if you hammered a cleavage line in to a regular cuirass, if you hammer cups out, poured molten metal into a mold, or added boobs externally onto a cuirass (because I mean the real ones are kinda behind a bunch of padding) you’d be fine.  This also assumes that armor bends or breaks MUCH more easily than it actually does.  Armor is THICK bronze or steel.  

4. But the real thing is, the onus is not on you to prove it’s impossible, the onus is on designers to justify why they’re putting it in there in the first place.  Especially if you’re doing something where the designs are based on any actual period of history rather than a mishmash, because like men’s armor was based on the fashion trends of the day, and honestly designers are always missing out on awesome design inspiration, because like they could be using ladies’ fashion of the era to inspire their designs and it’d look fucking cool.  I mean there are some eras where boob plate makes sense (17th century, ancient rome) and others where it doesn’t (13th to 16th century)

But seriously let’s have a loot at some fashion and armor of history:

14th century:

15th century:

16th Century:

Please note how the men’s fashion mirrors the silhouettes of the armor and vice versa, now please use more creativity in your costume design, armor was way more interesting and varied than most fantasy artists draw and it sucks, also make use of the elaborate headdresses, they look awesome.  Like you don’t need to feel utterly bound to historical accuracy but the dull consistency of silhouettes in a lot of fantasy armor bores me to fucking tears, do some actual research and use some actual historical inspiration

Here’s a shitty scan of my husband being clever and awesome.