Madeira Darling is a snarky mystic, devout Satanist, serious Marxist, laughing dominatrix, and writer from San Fransisco where they live with their boyfriend in a house full of altars to their various demons.
A client just told me I sound like Mae West, this is the high point of my existence. I can die happy now.
Listening to drunk/stoned dudes talk about their issues is actually the best part of my job. I mean this seriously. Like dish, dude, dish. Tell me all about what Linda did. Tell me ALLLLL about it.
I keep encountering people elsewhere on the internet who are like “I follow you on tumblr!” and I never say that to anyone (except the person who did the middleschoolmallgoth blog because they’re awesome and I actually remember them) because I literally have no idea who the hell I follow on this blue hell website.
I keep slipping my phone into the box of tampons I keep by the toilet for no reason and then I’m like “what part of me thinks this is the right place to put my phone? What part of my brain sees a box of tampons and is like ‘this THIS is where a phone goes?’ It’s been way too many times to be a coincidence at this point.”
I really don’t think communism will have us give up anything we need or anything we want… But we may realize how much we don’t need and that we don’t want some things nearly as bad as we thought we did.
Like I, for example, would love to have a car of my own. But if I didn’t have to pay for a cab, or if the buses and PRT were more reliable, and there was also some reliable system of public transportation to let me travel to different towns, and I wasn’t in a rush because I wasn’t going to be late for work or something, what would be the point?
Dealing with
executive dysfunction and ADHD becomes so much easier when you stop trying to
do things the way you feel like you should
be able to do them (like everyone else) and start finding ways that
actually work for you, no matter how “silly” or “unnecessary”
they seem.
For
years my floor was constantly covered in laundry. Clean laundry got
mixed in with dirty and I had to wash things twice, just making more
work for myself. Now I just have 3 laundry bins: dirty (wash it
later), clean (put it away later), and mystery (figure it out later).
Sure, theoretically I could sort my clothes into dirty or clean as
soon as I take them off and put them away straight
out of the dryer, but
realistically that’s never going to be a sustainable strategy for me.
How
many garbage bins do you need in a bedroom? One? WRONG! The correct
answer is one within arms reach at all times. Which for me is three.
Because am I really going to
get up to blow my nose when I’m hyperfocusing? NO. In
allergy season I even have
an empty kleenex box for “used
tissues I can use again.”
Kinda gross? Yeah. But less gross than a
snowy winter landscape of dusty germs on my
desk.
I
used to be late all the time
because I couldn’t find my house key. But it costs $2.50 and 3
minutes to copy a key, so now there’s one in my backpack, my purse,
my gym bag, my wallet, my desk, and hanging on my door. Problem
solved.
I’m
like a ninja for getting pout the door past reminder notes without noticing. If I really don’t want to forget something, I make a
physical barrier in front of my door. A
sticky note is a lot easier to walk past than a two foot high
cardboard box with my wallet on top of it.
Executive dysfunction is always going to cause challenges, but often half the struggle is trying to cope by pretending not to have executive dysfunction, instead of finding actual solutions.
i left cabinet doors open all my life and couldn’t make myself stop leaving them open until i figured out my subconscious just wants to know where everything is at a glance. i put labels on each cabinet door for what was behind the cabinet and after that i was a lot better at closing them.
showers are hard for me because they involve a lot of steps to get in and out. buying cleaning hand wipes helps me stay a lot cleaner and happier when i’m too tired or distracted to make myself be a normal person– they’re faster and involve way less prep time, decision making, and unpleasant physical sensations.
i have disordered eating because, again, getting food is complicated, much less cooking anything. buying 10-12$ of cliff bars at a go and keeping them in my room by my bed gives me a headstart on breakfast and lets me take my meds on time. otherwise i would lie in bed, not taking my meds because i had to eat, and not eating because i was too tired and nauseous from being hungry to get out of bed.
‘just try harder’ is not a solution. figuring out the actual problem and addressing it is the solution.
’normal’ isn’t the goal. you can’t be normal. it’s too late, but you know what, fuck normal. trying to be normal is going to kill you. ‘functional’ is the goal, and you can be functional. you can kick ass at functional. and that’s a lot better.
When I talk about how there is no universal system for Keeping Your Shit Together, and how it’s more important to find a system that works for you, this is exactly the kind of thing I mean.
My keys hang on the door so I literally can’t leave my apartment without touching them. My socks kept getting everywhere when I kept them with my other clothes, so instead I now keep them in a little hutch in the kitchen, where I keep all my shoes. All my silverware is in jars on my kitchen island so I can see clearly when I am out of forks. When I didn’t want to put on my socks to go running, I bought running shoes that didn’t require socks. There are people who would find all of the above unworkable and/or appalling but they don’t have to live my life and I do.
Find what works for you and work it. Doesn’t matter if it’s weird or unusual or not as healthy as some weird ideal which is probably just a marketing tool anyway. If it works, work it.
PROVIDENCE, RI—Realizing the depths of her mistake far too late, local woman Alicia Cohen quietly admitted to herself, “Twas hubris led me here,” as she sat naked on a public toilet with her romper around her ankles, sources said Wednesday. “What hath my conceit wrought but ruin as I sit naked and discomfited upon this most unclean privy,” said Cohen, shivering upon the women’s restroom toilet with her one-piece garment pooled at her feet. “Vanity’s fool am I! Brought low as dust by folly, low as the once fine fabric that now lies crumpled before mine eyes.” At press time, Cohen was cursing a broken shoe heel and the “credulous newborn babe undone by faith foul misplaced in an outlet mall.”
Thoughts From The Peacock Angel 