comittingdesigncrimes:

We’ve got chairs for all styles of aunt

comittingdesigncrimes:

I sit morosely in the piss dungeon behind the bookcase and wonder why people always abandon me

comittingdesigncrimes:

We have sex penciled in for 9pm on Tuesday

comittingdesigncrimes:

I have never told my daughter I love her but I have bought her many china horse figurines to one day smash after years of therapy

comittingdesigncrimes:

Google search: How to restring pearl necklace broken during outburst

Google search: how expensive does the gin have to be before it doesn’t count as alcoholism?

https://www.podbean.com/media/player/s6kmv-9f29c0?from=yiiadmin&vjs=1&skin=1&fonts=Helvetica&auto=0&download=0

comittingdesigncrimes:

Johan and I have agreed to a large settlement after I get the surgery to remove that faberge egg I swallowed from my lower intestine.

comittingdesigncrimes:

Glistening with uncried tears is such an over dramatic phrase, but how else would you describe the goddamned end table?

comittingdesigncrimes:

Laura said she’d leave me if I bought more commemorative plates. What she doesn’t know is how many boxes of commemorative plates are buried in the yard, and with any luck she never will.

comittingdesigncrimes:

I was saving my virginity for marriage, but now I guess I’m still saving it for my first extramarital affair