So I got knocked up when I was 18, due to a doc prescribing me a medication that rendered my bc ineffective. My then boyfriend was an abusive (initially I typed that as anus which goes to show how I feel about him) coke dealer/musician (ironically I didn’t even drink back then) who wore Lolita dresses. Like all dudes I agree to fuck, he was very pretty (this bit is important to the story). Anyway so we’re at the fancy schmancy private abortion clinic, and the nurse comes out and is like “which one of you is Madeira Darling” and I go “I’m Madeira, that’s the father, but you can try and perform the abortion on him if you like”

And that’s how I managed to make an abortionist laugh.