Drinking Is Deffffinitely No Longer Worth It

Like it’s fun until you’re… like 25ish? And then you start getting hangovers, and like honestly I am convinced that if hell were real it would just be an endless hangover that doesn’t go away and your hair smells like smoke and you’re sick and everything is terrible.

Drunk me when I was younger: Collapsing fully dressed in full makeup possibly with shoes on to sleep somewhere that may or may not be the bed.
Drunk me now: Brushes, flosses, goes through full skin care routine, drinks three glasses of water and has to be told it’s okay not to wash my makeup brushes or put my hair in pincurls for the night just this once

…this doesn’t mean I’m a functional or together human being, just that I’m vain as fuck.

thepeacockangel:

I’m the kind of person who bakes awesome pies and makes you tea and has stories about drunkenly doing a vom all over some dude’s dick

Remember that guy? He was the fashion designer I left in a train station for calling my little brother the f slur. Also he called my cunt my “woo woo”

That was overall a weird series of incidents

You Know, I Remember Getting Drunk For The First Time

and how suddenly every pair of underwear I’d ever seen floating in a toilet tank, every random pair of shoes left in a weird ass place, every random clump of fake hair, in short every inexplicable occurrence I had ever observed in a public washroom could be attributed to alcohol

Some advice for young men on avoiding difficulties with young women

Do not be alone with drunk women, if you are not very very close to them. Use the buddy system
Do not get touchy feely with drunk women especially if you are alone with them and you aren’t very very close
Do not drink to excess, it compromises your ability to make smart choices
Be cautious of your own motivations
If you suspect the person you’re flirting with might be incapacitated, bow out, better safe than sorry

Following this advice will help you avoid misunderstandings and greatly reduce your chances of unintentionally doing someone harm

My friend group is like

drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk, straight edge kid, drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk

Does anyone else get the thing

Where you don’t get the hangover if you don’t sleep till you’ve drunk enough water and are mostly sober?

After the revolution every bar will be an open bar