I want to discuss options for dealing with gendered violence in Leftist societies and organizations. If we don’t believe in prisons, what are the possibilities for dealing with people who commit acts like these? I know a lot of people support a very “guilt on accusation” model of dealing with these thing and straight up killing people accused of this stuff or banishing them immediately and completely, and as a survivor I have some sympathy for that outlook, but I also know that as a survivor my abuser/rapist used allegations of abuse against me to isolate me and further his control over me and so I honestly think that in order to protect victims due process and having some sort of burden of proof is a necessity.

Additionally, banishing someone from one community without followup work allows them to move on to another community where no one is aware of their behavior and even if we do our best to keep people informed it doesn’t seem to me to address the root of the problem (meaning why it happened in the first place). I’m not sure if every perpetrator is irredeemable… and I mean if we believe in prison abolition and the like, don’t we sort of have to believe in the possibility of redemption for people who’ve done truly terrible things?

I also see accusations of rape and rape apologism getting thrown around a lot in radical spaces and people dealing with them in a variety of ways that don’t seem to do much to actually fix the problem. I also see people who have no experience dealing with situations of sexual violence being called rape apologists for being unsure in dealing with said situations. I’ve also seen COINTELPRO people use allegations like these to destroy and discredit organizations and people (it’s funny the only place an allegation like that is likely to destroy someone’s life is in leftism, everyone else is peachy)

Also I think sometimes people get all torches and pitchforks while ignoring the survivors actual wishes and that seems fucked up to me, and I also think that there are issues when notions of radical consent bump up against ideas about how everyone whoever violates consent is undoubtedly and unquestionably a monster. I mean like, I know that when I was younger I got drunk and had sex with a lot of other people who were also drunk… and like that was fucked up, but I don’t think I’m a monster. I think because we live in a society where people aren’t taught about getting good consent and in fact are taught the exact opposite a lot of the time, a lot of people who aren’t monsters have failed to practice good consent.

I’m not in a good place, I’m very triggered right now and am disassociating a bit because I’m dealing with a good friend being accused of rape by their rapist and having their entire life destroyed because of it and it reminds me of what happened to me and how toxic and unnuanced the left can often be about stuff.

IDK what to do about any of this because obviously sexual and domestic violence and ignoring survivors is a huge issue.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what the right solution is.