My most recent tweets are a beautiful synthesis of fincuck rhetoric and vague Marxism (with a lot of toxic masculinity thrown in because fincuck):

So allow me to explain why #findomme is such an excellent system for female satisfaction. Many women want two things: Good hard dickings as provided by a big hard cock attached to a hot guy, and sparkly pretty expensive things.

The problem is, hot guys who can provide the good hard dickings are almost never the same guys who can provide us with the sparkly pretty expensive things we obviously deserve. Bougie guys have been statistically proven to have smaller dicks and less staying power.

Thus, #findomme, where alphas play, and losers pay, lets us bang the sexy lumpen prole bad boys we lust after, and the weak flabby unappetizing bourgeois pencil pushers who look like shit under their suits, pay for it all including the designer lingerie our lovers rip off us.

and thus I get designer shoes and diamonds and am a #spoiledprincess, but I get to be dicked down by sexy ass artists and rock musicians, who do manual labour and can thus fuck me properly. #fincuck #brattydomme

“Cause I’m going to seduce your wife and force you into pantyhose” – shit I say at work

Dude, when you tell me you “could easily become your worst nightmare” what I hear is “If you do a live session with me, your skin will definitely end up as a macrame plant hanger”

I Just Had A Sub Who Sounded like Garrison Keillor

On the call I told him he sounded like Garrison Keillor and that apparently made him come.

I feel like if I could phrase it right the “I am a hot sexy prole chick, unlike your frigid kale eating bougie wife, and you bourgeois losers all drool over me, but obviously I like that realmanTM prole dick and so I just take your money and go fuck my probably-a-petty-criminal boyfriend” angle WOULD WORK SO WELL on subs

Also I just came up with something brilliant again, a chastity cage, that has to be unlocked with two keys simultaneously, like letting the sub out is launching a nuke

Today I had a client with a wedgie fetish, who kept switching what roleplay he wanted.

I was a cheerleader, a politician, a flight attendant, a scientist, a waitress, a salesperson, a nurse, a churchgoer, a boss, a green tech innovator, a cop, and a drill sergeant, and also a librarian in the space of like half an hour.

All obsessed with making wedgie based puns and giving him wedgies.

“W-E-D-G-I-E, what’s that spell? WEDGIE!” “Wedgie boy, wedgie boy, tighty whitey’s up his ass, wedgie boy wedgie boy late to class”

“Wedgies are the eco-friendly future of bullying, we’re here to disrupt the wasteful, unsustainable use of the swirlie”

“Well, I’m a librarian, I’m here to help with your wedgiecation”

“This is flight 101 on Wedgie airlines, now departing for Wedgietown population, you. Please fasten your tighty-whiteys and prepare for take off”

“The special today is the Wedgie, which is made with locally sourced organic cotton tighty whiteys, served with a side of YOUR ASS, which pairs nicely with the swirlie cocktail, discounted for holders of our “fucking nerd” discount card”