Drinking Is Deffffinitely No Longer Worth It

Like it’s fun until you’re… like 25ish? And then you start getting hangovers, and like honestly I am convinced that if hell were real it would just be an endless hangover that doesn’t go away and your hair smells like smoke and you’re sick and everything is terrible.

Drunk me when I was younger: Collapsing fully dressed in full makeup possibly with shoes on to sleep somewhere that may or may not be the bed.
Drunk me now: Brushes, flosses, goes through full skin care routine, drinks three glasses of water and has to be told it’s okay not to wash my makeup brushes or put my hair in pincurls for the night just this once

…this doesn’t mean I’m a functional or together human being, just that I’m vain as fuck.

You Know, I Remember Getting Drunk For The First Time

and how suddenly every pair of underwear I’d ever seen floating in a toilet tank, every random pair of shoes left in a weird ass place, every random clump of fake hair, in short every inexplicable occurrence I had ever observed in a public washroom could be attributed to alcohol

Does anyone else get the thing

Where you don’t get the hangover if you don’t sleep till you’ve drunk enough water and are mostly sober?

Vodka is the shittiest liquor to get pompous about.

It doesn’t fucking taste like anything.

What is the fucking point? Like vodka connoisseurs are like “ahhh, this tastes even less like anything.”

That is not a kind of connoisseurship that should be allowed to exist. That’s like having a fucking water sommelier. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Fuck you guys.