Tag: gender stuff

Desiring Desire

Also is it just me or does it seem like women being socially conditioned to desire desire (more than desiring a given partner), to find being the object of desire more erotic than doing the desiring is a patriarchal thing… like we’re conditioned to desire to be objects of male-gaze without having our own gaze if that makes sense. I know that I personally very much want my partner to be desirable and know they’re desirable and kind of flaunt that desirability and use it in a very “feminine coded” way, idk

I think this is something that developed with capitalism and has correlates interesting with developments in costume history. In 15th century Europe for example women were perceived as the lustful ones and men perceived as “just wanting commitment” while still being an immensely patriarchal group of societies… but men’s clothing was brighter and had a lot more elements of “sexual display” than women’s did at the time (I don’t think clothing is inherently sexual but when unclothed bodies are sexualized and there’s like a contrast in the sexualization of clothing between groups there’s sort of like… something going on semiotically, and this women are lustful rhetoric was used as a justification for the inferior status of women… so like that’s interesting) and in fact the 19th century “women are purer” was a reaction to the historical idea of women as the “lustful” sex (their terminology, not mine, obviously that’s super binarist and essentialist and fucked in a myriad of ways) and this was the period during which European men’s clothes went from pretty and colorful and display-y to drab and boring and sort of intentionally anti-sexual. IDK I think it might have something to do with the fully development of capitalism (which I think really blossomed in the 19th century which fits well with my historical materialist theory of cosmetics usage) but like IDK exactly what it means but it all seems sort of… suggestive of something doesn’t it (no pun intended)

You Know, I Think Hetero Courtship Would Make More Sense

thepeacockangel:

If the usual thing was for women to approach men,

cause like having the group more likely to be a potential physical threat do the approaching makes it way more likely that the interaction creeps out/scares the recipient than the reverse

And so het women would be happy because hey not getting perved on so much (actually for all women cause like if men aren’t approaching you, men aren’t approaching you regardless of sexuality) and not having to watch every interaction like a hawk for hints of flirtation, and het men would be happy because they’re not as worried about coming off as scumbags.

I mean like I can see how women might use “can he approach me in a non-creepy way” as a litmus test of whether a guy is creepy, but like if you can interact with a guy for awhile before you turn it into flirtation, you can probably gauge some of that and also like a lot of very bad dudes are capable of seeming like harmless puppy dogs on the approach.

Like I think just removing this one element even if you left the rest of toxic masculinity intact would make a world of difference.  Men not being the initiators in romantic and sexual relationships would mean women able to move through the world without constantly being tensed to fend shit off, and men’d be less nervous about receiving advances cause they live in that “not sexually threatened by women” bubble that most of them live in, so it’d cause a lot less anxiety for everyone involved, also het dudes would leave lesbians alone and I feel like unless you changed a lot of other shit het women wouldn’t be like pawing at gay dudes as much so it’d be a better system.