Superglue pennies to his nipples

Eat peanut butter mixed with dirt to see what would happen

Draw a zebra

Mix jizz with milk and drink the milk to see what it would taste like

Shampoo in the urethra to see what would happen

Put a broom up his ass and sweep the floor with it

put a peeled banana up his ass

Q-tip covered in icy hot down the urethra and light the other end on fire

Cover his dick in glitter glue and fuck the toe hole of an open toed shoe

Jizz on a cupcake and eat the cupcake

Go out and sell copies of the Industrial Worker so I can be Tony Cliff (this is only funny if you know a lot about Trotskyist cults)

Read Mao

Write “I am not a shameful jerkoff monkey so I will not act like one” 500 times.

Admit New Zealanders are sexually superior to Australians.

Read incredibly bad slash fanfic and then write me a book report

Learn French

Wear a moose hat draped in mardigras beads and nothing else and run around outside

Only masturbate while listening to the Benny Hill theme until he developed a pavlovian response

Have a fetish for sitting on cakes using hypnosis

Dress up as a jackalope and root through garbage

Play Secondlife with me as my dog.