And this, I actually have spent time looking at this this thing, whose only appropriate place is hanging blandly on your emotionally-delicate-aunt-who-wears-a-lot-of-purple’s downstairs bathroom wall

God help me.

Dear Universe,

How about 500 men on niteflirt send me 2 grand each, and I do nothing in return?

How about that?

Sound good?

Sometimes I feel like a really unbalanced character build.

IDK I thought you might in some way benefit from having this image of Orko in your lives.

Every time my husband finds a tick on the dog: Found a capitalist!
Tick: Um, I’m a blood creator.

Conan O’Barbarian

Half Conan O’Brien, half Conan The Barbarian

But hey, that’s Providence, what can you do? At least we get good Italian food.

The last line of the horror story I just wrote

I’m Working on a Horror Short Story Inspired By My Dog

And D was like “Your muse is a 64-pound caramel coloured pitbull born on Halloween”

and I thought of the nine muses and imagined like:

Calliope – Epic poetry
Clio – History
Euterpe – Music, Song, and Lyric Poetry
Erato – Love poetry
Melpomene – Tragedy
Polyhymnia – Hymns
Thalia – Comedy
TerpsichoreDance
Urania – Astronomy
and Tonka – Horror

and then I was imagining Tonka in a Chiton and laurel wreath

I like my men like I like my women

No, I’m not going to explain further

Me at 7:12 AM, not having slept, listening to Johnny Tilston’s “Poetry In Motion” for the fifth consecutive time, wearing one false eyelash, a half unzipped party dress and a fuzzy pink bathrobe: Why am I like this?