What kind of monster gets reservations at a restaurant in a mall parking lot?

I will now go back to doing what I do best, shoving rosary beads inside my vajay

Today I had a client with a wedgie fetish, who kept switching what roleplay he wanted.

I was a cheerleader, a politician, a flight attendant, a scientist, a waitress, a salesperson, a nurse, a churchgoer, a boss, a green tech innovator, a cop, and a drill sergeant, and also a librarian in the space of like half an hour.

All obsessed with making wedgie based puns and giving him wedgies.

“W-E-D-G-I-E, what’s that spell? WEDGIE!” “Wedgie boy, wedgie boy, tighty whitey’s up his ass, wedgie boy wedgie boy late to class”

“Wedgies are the eco-friendly future of bullying, we’re here to disrupt the wasteful, unsustainable use of the swirlie”

“Well, I’m a librarian, I’m here to help with your wedgiecation”

“This is flight 101 on Wedgie airlines, now departing for Wedgietown population, you. Please fasten your tighty-whiteys and prepare for take off”

“The special today is the Wedgie, which is made with locally sourced organic cotton tighty whiteys, served with a side of YOUR ASS, which pairs nicely with the swirlie cocktail, discounted for holders of our “fucking nerd” discount card”

Flat shoes are for people who aren’t Klingon warriors (I.E. The weak)

8:40 am, cannot sleep, have not slept. I guess now is as good a time as any to go buy a pig heart.

So many people calling themselves “bougie”

and I’m like “DO YOU OWN THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION, CLAIRE? BECAUSE I DON”T FUCKING THINK YOU DO”

A sub gave me access to his facebook

and so I posted a status about how he wants to adopt a wolf dog and then made him like his own status.

The way you deal with subs is like an IRL shitpost

Damian Rath

Question I am currently asking myself: Now what did I do with my goddamned slutty Jesus suit?

How to get Silicone Valley Tech Bros on Board with Communism

“What if we disrupt capitalism? It’s been around forever, and has all these massive inefficiencies. We have all this data at our fingertips now that could allow us to create an economy based entirely on consumer wants and needs with no need for money at all. We can disrupt money as a concept. It’ll be like Uber but for literally everything, seamless, beautiful, a cashless amazon.”