Other Funny Dicks I Have Seen

  1. The I’m Pretty Sure It’s Not Supposed To Be That Color: Vaguely greenish in all photos and video I have seen of it, looked like an ugly pickle.  I have told the dude repeatedly he should see a doctor.
  2. The Squatch: Not even small, dude was just incredibly hairy, it was elusive, like if bigfoot was a penis
  3. The Pleased To Meetcha: Small and bizarrely expressive, looked like it was smiling and as if it would have talked with a friendly midwestern accent
  4. The Waaaiiiit a minute: A nylon stocking stuffed with batting and colored with magic marker, dude really wanted me to be impressed with his giant fake dong
  5. Glitter dick: Made a dude cover his dick in eyelash glue and then cover it in glitter.  He claimed this improved his jerk off experience.  WTF.
  6. The OH SWEET JESUS: A dick reduced to a mass of scar tissue from WAAAAYYY too much heavy cbt
  7. The shroom: Giant bright purple head with a skinny very pale shaft, if it hadn’t been attached to him I would have sworn he was trying to pass a mushroom off as his dick

A Lock That Can Be Opened By Many Keys

I was thinking about the ol’ “A key that can open a lot of locks is a pretty good key, but a lock that can be opened by many keys is a shitty lock” analogy, which seems like a shitty analogy, but actually it’s just that the conclusion is wrong.

See, why might one want a lock that can be opened by many keys?  Perhaps because you’re generous and want the resource to be available to many people, like the “lock” on the cabin my dad built in our woods, anyone can open it, it doesn’t even need a key, you just have to turn the little piece of wood so that the door can swing open.  We want hikers and anyone else who happens to be taking a stroll to have access to the cabin so the lock isn’t supposed to keep people out.  Then why have a lock in the first place, you ask?  In this case to prevent bears from getting in and ransacking the store of snacks we keep up there.  You might also want such a lock to say… prevent children from falling into a pool, while allowing access anyone who can work the lock.  There are any number of things one wants to make accessible to the general public, but also keep animals and unattended children out of.

Now what kind of a person might want a key that can open any lock?  I can think of only one kind of person who would like such a key, and it’s a person who intends to go where they’re not wanted.

So a lock that can be opened by any key is a great lock for someone generous who wants to share something, but a key that can open any lock is a key that’s only desirable if you have bad intentions