Thank god the sex neg attitudes of my childhood are returning

I’m a deeply and profoundly perverse creature and I find it rather hard to get off without that sense of transgression

Okay but do metal dudes who paint their nails black

Do their toes too? Or not?

If not doesn’t it kinda look weird?

I’m the kind of person who bakes awesome pies and makes you tea and has stories about drunkenly doing a vom all over some dude’s dick

People who use the word imbecile to try and sound clever always end up sounding like it’s the only long word they know and they’re terribly pleased with themselves for thinking of it.

It’s like “no, Asher, we can all tell you’re 12 and upset, and I’m sorry but I can tell you right now that trying to pick fights on the internet isn’t a good solution to your prepubescent angst. Let me guess, your daddy is a cop, and your feelings are hurt when people criticize the evil institution of which he is a part because you’re still at that stage where you worship him and think he’s superman”

Dear people who buy realistically sized horse dick replica dildos,

I hope you’re all being careful and not hurting yourselves.

Sincerely,

Madeira

I’m Telling My Kids That Marx Brings Them Presents On May Day

“Every year Marx brings presents to all the good little anticapitalist children on May day as a taste of what the bounty of full communism will look like, your classmates don’t get mayday presents is because they don’t accept the tenets of communism”

Calling my leftist reading group my “book club”

So it sounds less culty

Stop saying Socialist when you mean #softcapitalism