Once I was making fun of a dude who kept making *triggered* jokes and eventually he got upset and I was like “as someone with legit PTSD, you sure are a little bitch” and that was one of my proudest moments.

You know when you’re really tired and you keep getting the difference between art deco and art nouveau confused

You’ve heard of drama llamas

Now get ready for TRAUMA LLAMAS

I’m sorry, but anything that has ever been truly hip has ties to Marxism.

Jesus Christ or as I like to call him “Oily Josh”

Me giving a sub instructions for his seasonal release from chastity: Get a pumpkin spice latte and jerk off into that and then drink it so it’s festive

It’s only gallows humour if you’re the one on the gallows, otherwise, you’re just someone yelling at the condemned

My Author Bio

Madeira Darling is a professional dominatrix, comedian, and writer who resides in Providence Rhode Island, with her husband Daniel, an illustrator, and their pit bull, Tonka, a sneaky food thief. Her work has appeared in publications including XOJane, Clean Sheets, Sirenia Digest and The Harvard Journal of Law and Public Policy except not actually that last one

Google “Kill-Sin Pimple”

I promise you will not be disappointed

I am an excellent writer

Example: He was classically beautiful, flawless skin, as glowy as if he lived on water and instagram worthy smoothie bowls and never stayed out past eight instead of… mostly the opposite of that