Tag: language

Mama and Daddy

I don’t have anything resembling a daddy kink, and yet I’ve found myself frequently referring to my husband as daddy recently, I do this because we have a dog and I frequently tell the dog things like “daddy will be home soon”, similarly, my husband often says things like “you want to go sit with mommy?” which got me to thinking about the historical usage of Mama and Daddy as terms of endearment, as in “Hot mama” or Mamie Smith’s track “Daddy Your Mama Is Lonesome For You” and frankly it seems that the original appeal of these terms wasn’t that they eroticized the parent/child relationship but rather eroticized the actually erotic relationship between parents (parents frequently end up refering to one another by their parental titles because it’s their role in the family and this was even more prevelent historically).  Mamie Smith’s track makes this particularly clear.

I suspect that calling a partner mama or daddy in bed historically had a lot more to do with the idea of making a baby than it did with your partner being your baby.

Y’ know what I mean?  The eroticism wasn’t the taboo it was more of an impregnation fetish if anything.

I’ve noticed that even in feminist circles the less sure I sound when I talk about my ideas

The more likely people are to agree with what I say. The more “I think that maybe"s and “I might be wrong but I think it might be X"s and “do you ever think that"s "I kind of think that it’s kinda…"s and "IDK but"s I include the more people go "Yeah that sounds right”.

If I write like I’m sure people shoot me down, if I hem and haw and do the textual equivalent of blushing and looking at my shoes I get agreement… and like I kind of think that might be sort of fucked up, y’ know?

Privilege Problems

There’s a weird thing with privilege where like a lot of demonstrations of privilege are not things privileged people should stop doing. Like white men feel safer walking alone at night than women and POC do. Should white dudes stop walking alone at night? No. Do straight couples have an easier time living together openly than gay couples? Yes. Does that mean they should stop? No. 

But then like sometimes “a demonstration of privilege” is used to mean some behavior that the does need to stop, like men relying on women for domestic and emotional labor or white people touching black people without their consent and I think the lack of a line between “something oppressed people need to be free to do” and “something privileged people need to knock off doing” leads to weird confusion where dudes are like “Are you telling me not to walk at night?” and I’m like “No, but women have to be vigilant in a way you don’t, so like try to give them space and not make them feel threatened”.

Cause like what would dudes who are trying not to make women feel threatened not going out at night get me?  A night full of actively hostile dudes and dudes who don’t care which is an even more threatening prospect cause there are even fewer potential helpers out there.

I feel like oppressed groups are denied basic rights, which are things everyone should be allowed, like being able to walk alone safely at night and oppressor groups are given privileges to treat oppressed groups in ways no one should be treated, like the freedom to touch people without their consent and not receive any repercussions.

You see what I mean?

Also I hate “Argument from etymology”

I’ve seen people be like “the word vagina is misogynist because it comes from a word for scabbard so it’s all about VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN”

and I’m like “you don’t stab your scabbard, goofus, you’d break your sword, you put it in slow and gentle and keep it there so it’s safe and doesn’t get nicked or dented… which implies a vagina is a safe place to keep your penis when you’re not using it, which I mean doesn’t make much sense but it’s certainly not violent”

Also words do not carry their origins around forever.  Comicbook doesn’t secretly mean that superhero comics are secretly all works of comedy even though the form originated with collected newspaper funnies.