being like “WHY DO I REPEL MEN?” it’s often like either A: you’re like awesome as a person and physically totes babein’ but like aren’t great at relationships which is totally a thing and like… happens and is like work-on-able or B: You’re actually cool and most boys are just shitty.
Like the ones yr repelling are the ones that aren’t worth being with anyway, like y’ know?
Love is sorta like garlic. Garlic is amazing. It’s flavorful and enhances so many delicious foods. However there are times when garlic makes shit terrible. For example, in vanilla icecream. That’d be pretty horrible. Just because garlic is great doesn’t mean any time you add garlic the food’ll be great.
You’re also sorta like garlic. Some people you’ll go great with, like tomato, and cheese and beef and pasta, other people like caramel you won’t go so well with, and no matter how much you love them it’s not a good match.
Also like garlic you don’t just go with one ingredient, you can end up in a great relationship with all sorts of people, there’s not “one true love” out there, and don’t let anyone convince you there is, and even if you were say peanut butter which has long been associated with jelly, that doesn’t mean peanut butter only goes with jelly, it goes with jam and with all sorts of stuff in peanut butter cookies and sometimes in savory dishes and all sorts of stuff. Now that doesn’t mean you need to go and be with all those ingredients. If you wanna stick with jelly, stick with jelly.
Because there’s not one true love, your relationships are going to be complex and imperfect and sometimes you and your partner will disagree and sometimes you’ll be grouchy or life will be hard. Doesn’t mean your relationships not ok. There’s no one perfect jelly for peanut butter, and different ones will have different strengths and weaknesses and ultimately making a great pb&J is about proportions and technique and other factors like the bread, so love isn’t just about two people who are compatible, it’s also about how you make the sandwich. It’s about what you do on an everyday basis. It’s about the work that goes in.
Also some people are like ingredients that have gone bad. Even if you’re the best lemon in the world and you love everything about chicken normally, if it’s spoiled, you aren’t going to be able to make something good or healthy together. (this is what abusive people are like).
Also sometimes love is like sugary booze, the sweetness covers up the kick it’s packing and you don’t realize you were making a bad decision until you wake up with a pounding headache and realize you mistook a sprite bottle for your shoe
and even though it’s experienced through a chemical reaction in your brain it doesn’t mean it’s any less valid or meaningful. As I’ve said it elevates chemistry rather than denigrating love, and how and why are not the same thing (like we know a car uses an internal combustion engine but like that doesn’t cover why you’re driving or make rushing to the hospital to give birth any less joyful and what not). However, it is a chemical reaction, and it is important to note that when you’re first falling in love… you’re sorta high out of your mind on dopamine and oxytocin and all sorts of shit and so you need to remember you’re sorta not sober and so just… be careful? Y’ know? Like how when you’re going to the bathroom when you’re kinda drunk you’re extra careful to make sure you’re not dipping your dress/scarf/etc in the toilet bowl, and you triple check to make sure you don’t have toilet paper on your shoe when you leave?
Yeah, treat the first blush of love like that.
I promise you’re not as hard to love as you think you are.
I promise that the person you’re crying over isn’t your one true love or your only shot at happiness.
I promise you can be happy without whoever it is.
I promise there’s a lid for every pot.
I promise that relationships don’t have to be like the one you’re in now.
I promise that you’ll be okay again.
Don’t let them emotionally exhaust you when they won’t do shit for you. Don’t let them use how safe you feel in their arms make you accept their shitty behavior. Their apologies don’t mean anything if they don’t stop doing the thing. No matter how much pain they claim to be in, don’t let them treat you as less than human. Don’t treat your pain as less valid than theirs to keep them around. If he cheated on his ex, and cheats on you, no amount of wheedling and being prettier, or sexier, or nicer, or making him jealous is gonna make him change.
Don’t fold yourself into uncomfortable shapes to make room for him. Don’t move mountains for him just because he makes you feel pretty, other boys can make you feel pretty, girls can make you feel pretty, you can make you feel pretty. If all he does is make you feel pretty, just make him feel pretty back and to hell with mountain moving.
Don’t ever sacrifice yourself because you think you need them. You don’t. There are others. There are more. There are better ones that won’t treat you like that.
Seriously, I promise that’s not just how they all are.
You deserve so much better.
I know in past relationships, I’ve done this and it’s a real problem.
Like sometimes you squish bits of yourself in on yourself to make room for your partner, and if you keep on doing that, sometimes they just get more and more used to being accommodated and your partner starts to think “if they’ll give up so much to keep the peace they must not mind/must not be any good” and they keep asking you to squish yourself more and more until eventually they ask you to squish down some part of you you can’t squish and you can’t and by that time they’re so used to you being moldable to their needs that the whole thing breaks down
Like you know what? Going out to eat if there’s not a place you actually want to go is kinda pointless, why go out to eat if there’s no place good? If you’re tired or whatever maybe just order take out, why go sit in the restaurant if you’re already tired.
Don’t be in relationships for the sake of being in a relationship or married, your default state should not be “I want to get married” even if you’re into the whole marriage dealy, it should be “I want to get married if I meet someone I want to marry’
Just like you rarely “just want to go out to eat” you want to go out if there’s somewhere you want to go.
and don’t date people who are into you just because they’re really into you if you’re not just as into them.
I don’t know why media loves promoting that “convince them how awesome you are and eventually they’ll deign to love you” narrative (and they do it with both men and women.) If you have to convince your partner you’re right for them, you aren’t right, and if they have to convince you that they’re right for you, you shouldn’t be convinced.
Christ.
Thoughts From The Peacock Angel 