Tag: marriage

Me, to husband, gesturing at dog: Look at this weird bug I found.
Me, to husband, gesturing at dog: Have you met my friend Richard the Lionhearted?
Me, to husband, gesturing at dog: Have you noticed this extraordinarily large baby?
Me, to husband, gesturing at dog: This tiny man has quite a number of toes.

Reading The Fascinating Woman has improved my marriage immensely by reminding me how happy I am to be married to someone who loves, respects and appreciates my artificial, promiscuous, heavily made up, wage earning, undomestic, bleach blonde, acrylic-nailed, fake boobeded, wisecracking self and not a motherfucking Mormon who thinks my value is diminished if I fucking wear anything that has pockets (that’s literally in here)

Valentine’s Day

Dear single people and/or new couples, I know it’s fashionable to make fun of Valentine’s Day but you don’t really see the purpose of the holiday yet. It only really starts to serve its purpose when you’ve been together for years and you need a reminder to stop focusing on candy crush/the article on lobsters you’re reading/the dishes and to actually just spend time with your partner. Yeah ideally we’d all do that spontaneously or weekly or whatever but unless you’re one of those irritatingly perfect couples real life has a habit of getting in the way and it’s nice to have that once yearly reminder to make that silly grand romantic gesture and to show the person/people you love you care. If you’re single on Valentine’s Day you don’t need to feel bad/alone/etc, just remember holiday to remind those of us who haven’t worn real clothes in a week to get dressed up and do something fun that isn’t falling asleep in front of the tv

Is including this in my cover letter to the USCIS (sending them more evidence of the legitimacy of my marriage) a bad idea:

P.S.  This is Madeira.  I know this doesn’t count as evidence but I just want to state how much I love my husband.  He is kind and gentle, funny and intelligent, loving and warm.  He’s a wonderful cook and passionate lover of history. He is handsome and loving and takes wonderful care of me and our home.  He’s a superbly talented artist, a wonderful man and a truly incredible husband.  We have endured many months of separation due to the complexities of immigration law, I know that this is down to the hard evidence, phone records and bank statements, flight confirmations and so on, but I had to write this, I couldn’t bear to leave you with nothing but the cold clinical details of my warm, living marriage.