Chocolate Greedy by Montale

On me instead of anything resembling lush, rich chocolate, I get the cloying sweetness and artificial pseudo-chocolate of cocoa pebbles.

Literally, it smells JUST LIKE cocoa pebbles, which incidentally I feed to puppy play subs as fake dog food and they buy that it’s real dog food, so… uh, yeah, no, this is not chocolate. I’ll stick to Chocomusk by Al-Rehab thank you very much.

Scent Intense by CoSTUME NATIONAL

Okay, so if Creed’s Silver Mountain water is a fresh crisp apple, this is the spiced, warm, sweet baked apple version. The crisp freshness of hibiscus and tea leaf is there, but the amber and sandalwood give it a warm sweet spicy background, warm and spicy, and yet also fresh and crisp.

Glorious on any gender. Arty, weird, unique and yet wonderfully wearable, pleasing without being obvious, like a hot pink sofa that you thought you wouldn’t like that turns out to really bring the room together.

Loud (For Men) by Tommy Hilfiger

Smells a bit like a perfume test strip in a magazine, you know with that undercurrent of ink and glossy paper. It’s quite sexy as well, a wet, earthy rose/patch that none the less remains very fresh. Wet earth and flowers on a spring day. There’s definitely a tart/aromatic “men’s fragrance” (or almost men’s fragrance of the 90s) note in here, but we all know that that shit never stopped me.

The marketing is a bit silly, but honestly, I really like this one. It’s a gorgeous scent, and I think very unisex, fresh cut sweet rose, warm tobacco and earthy patch with something wet and fresh.

Timeless by Avon

Bitter, complicated, difficult, all opoponax and aldehydes, old fashioned, sexy and kind of melancholic, like that brooding artsy type you dated when you were 19 (don’t lie, we all had one). It’s certainly old fashioned, not modern, but for a bohemian or gothy type, extremely suitable. It is not sweet, or delicate, and it does not attempt to be universally charming, which makes it that much more charming for those who like it. There is no sweetness on my skin, on me Tabu has a cinnamon-sweet quality that this aggressively lacks.

It becomes softer, sweeter (but not sugary) in the dry down.

Alien by Thierry Mugler

Creamy, weird, heavy jasmine. Like whack you over the head with a bat made (somehow) of jasmine jasmine.

No green notes for relief just the lovely sweet, heavy languor of jasmine. It has a sort of soporific, almost opiate quality in its creamy, rich floral heaviness, and then there’s that odd quality jasmine has, I’m not talking about the animalic or indolic qualities of jasmine… more the odd synthetic… very well to be honest, alien note present in even natural fresh jasmine flowers.

Alien indeed.

Three Great Houses For Amazing Cheap Perfumes

Gres:
Madame Gres, Chabochard, Lumiere Rose, Lumiere Noir, and even the oft reviled Cabotine smell amazing on me.  Say YES to Gres.

Al-Rehab: Saudi company that puts out cheap and never fail fabulous scents.  They’re like 5 to 10 bucks on amazon and ebay.  So good.

Princesse Marina De Bourbon: Every single perfume of theirs I’ve tried has been gorgeous.  Royal Rouge?  Beautiful dupe for Imaginary Author’s Cape Heart Ache.  Bleu? Soft, elegant lady like sandalwood.  A La Francais?  Classic perfumey deliciousness.  I need more from them.