being like “WHY DO I REPEL MEN?” it’s often like either A: you’re like awesome as a person and physically totes babein’ but like aren’t great at relationships which is totally a thing and like… happens and is like work-on-able or B: You’re actually cool and most boys are just shitty.
Like the ones yr repelling are the ones that aren’t worth being with anyway, like y’ know?
Doesn’t mean your labor’s not being exploited, ladies.
We sorta realized that it was little day to day shit that was part of what was making our relationship go fucko and the fucked up thing is that that shit will be an issue in any relationship you have and so while you may fantasize about running off and living some dream life… well the dream life will still involve bills and squabbles about the dishes, and so pretty much any relationship you have will require you to do that work as part of what you have to do to keep shit good.
New relationships are fun because none of that is involved.
This probably sounds obvious as fuck but a reminder never hurts and like sorting out our mess might make a huge difference in how we deal with third parties… so yeah
and even though it’s experienced through a chemical reaction in your brain it doesn’t mean it’s any less valid or meaningful. As I’ve said it elevates chemistry rather than denigrating love, and how and why are not the same thing (like we know a car uses an internal combustion engine but like that doesn’t cover why you’re driving or make rushing to the hospital to give birth any less joyful and what not). However, it is a chemical reaction, and it is important to note that when you’re first falling in love… you’re sorta high out of your mind on dopamine and oxytocin and all sorts of shit and so you need to remember you’re sorta not sober and so just… be careful? Y’ know? Like how when you’re going to the bathroom when you’re kinda drunk you’re extra careful to make sure you’re not dipping your dress/scarf/etc in the toilet bowl, and you triple check to make sure you don’t have toilet paper on your shoe when you leave?
Yeah, treat the first blush of love like that.
Like I know that het women generally find porn aimed at het dudes gross and het dudes find porn (romance novels and fanfiction and the like) aimed at women gross… but like if you can’t look at what your partner faps to without getting upset… like how’s fucking them going to work?
(I’m aiming this at het couples because although not all SG couples are perfect I feel like I don’t see this behavior as much)
Look into eachother’s fuck-abyss and be cool with what you find there (squidmonsters, cosplay orgies… whatever) or be with someone else.
Following this advice will help you avoid misunderstandings and greatly reduce your chances of unintentionally doing someone harm
I promise you’re not as hard to love as you think you are.
I promise that the person you’re crying over isn’t your one true love or your only shot at happiness.
I promise you can be happy without whoever it is.
I promise there’s a lid for every pot.
I promise that relationships don’t have to be like the one you’re in now.
I promise that you’ll be okay again.
Don’t let them emotionally exhaust you when they won’t do shit for you. Don’t let them use how safe you feel in their arms make you accept their shitty behavior. Their apologies don’t mean anything if they don’t stop doing the thing. No matter how much pain they claim to be in, don’t let them treat you as less than human. Don’t treat your pain as less valid than theirs to keep them around. If he cheated on his ex, and cheats on you, no amount of wheedling and being prettier, or sexier, or nicer, or making him jealous is gonna make him change.
Don’t fold yourself into uncomfortable shapes to make room for him. Don’t move mountains for him just because he makes you feel pretty, other boys can make you feel pretty, girls can make you feel pretty, you can make you feel pretty. If all he does is make you feel pretty, just make him feel pretty back and to hell with mountain moving.
Don’t ever sacrifice yourself because you think you need them. You don’t. There are others. There are more. There are better ones that won’t treat you like that.
Seriously, I promise that’s not just how they all are.
You deserve so much better.
It’s a form of emotional labor I think a lot of men don’t understand, because it’s not a faked interest. It’s more that women are taught how to find things to be interested about in stuff people around us are interested in. Like how to see what they like about it, or find aspects of it that interest us, and do the emotional work of making it one of our interests and like it’s a genuine interest, not a fake one but it involves emotional labor.
And like I see a lot of dudes whose female partners and friends take an interest in their interests but they don’t return the favor and so all they talk about is the stuff that was initially the dude’s interest.
So like, dudes, take an interest in the interests of the women around you. Try to figure out what appeals to them about it. Try and see aspects of it that might interest you. Learn to take an interest in the interests of people you care about.
Instead give yourself time to fall head over heels for the complex, three dimensional, flawed, rough edged person they really are
Thoughts From The Peacock Angel 