Tag: relationships

I Feel Like It’s Super Weird When Couples

Have like entirely separate friend groups?

Like there isn’t a whole “These are D’s friends” “These are my friends” thing with me and D, pretty much all our friends are both our friends with the exception of my online RP friends pretty much, and like he’s a little closer to some of the Lovecraftian people and I’m a little closer to some of the Alt. fashion people but like overall most of our closest friends are other leftists and are friends with both of us.

Cause like if you don’t have common interests, what do you talk about?  How do you have a relationship with someone who doesn’t wanna hang out with your friends?

Don’t Take Shit From Boys

 Don’t let them emotionally exhaust you when they won’t do shit for you.  Don’t let them use how safe you feel in their arms make you accept their shitty behavior.  Their apologies don’t mean anything if they don’t stop doing the thing.  No matter how much pain they claim to be in, don’t let them treat you as less than human.  Don’t treat your pain as less valid than theirs to keep them around.  If he cheated on his ex, and cheats on you, no amount of wheedling and being prettier, or sexier, or nicer, or making him jealous is gonna make him change.

 Don’t fold yourself into uncomfortable shapes to make room for him. Don’t move mountains for him just because he makes you feel pretty, other boys can make you feel pretty, girls can make you feel pretty, you can make you feel pretty.  If all he does is make you feel pretty, just make him feel pretty back and to hell with mountain moving.

Don’t ever sacrifice yourself because you think you need them.  You don’t.  There are others.  There are more.  There are better ones that won’t treat you like that. 

Seriously, I promise that’s not just how they all are.

You deserve so much better.

Women Are Also Taught To Take an Interest in The Interests Of People (Especially Men) Around Them

It’s a form of emotional labor I think a lot of men don’t understand, because it’s not a faked interest.  It’s more that women are taught how to find things to be interested about in stuff people around us are interested in.  Like how to see what they like about it, or find aspects of it that interest us, and do the emotional work of making it one of our interests and like it’s a genuine interest, not a fake one but it involves emotional labor.

And like I see a lot of dudes whose female partners and friends take an interest in their interests but they don’t return the favor and so all they talk about is the stuff that was initially the dude’s interest.

So like, dudes, take an interest in the interests of the women around you.  Try to figure out what appeals to them about it.  Try and see aspects of it that might interest you.  Learn to take an interest in the interests of people you care about.

I really love when villain couples actually have healthy super loving relationships, where like they’re actually great for eachother.  They’re loving and supportive and help each other achieve their goals… but that’s terrible for everyone around them, because the goals they help each other achieve and the shit they help one another achieve are awful monstrous things because they’re villains and they’re terrible people, they’re just y’ know good to the people they’re close to/care about cause like that’s what a lot of real life villains are like.

IDK I think it’s fun.

You Know, I Think Hetero Courtship Would Make More Sense

If the usual thing was for women to approach men,

cause like having the group more likely to be a potential physical threat do the approaching makes it way more likely that the interaction creeps out/scares the recipient than the reverse

And so het women would be happy because hey not getting perved on so much (actually for all women cause like if men aren’t approaching you, men aren’t approaching you regardless of sexuality) and not having to watch every interaction like a hawk for hints of flirtation, and het men would be happy because they’re not as worried about coming off as scumbags.

Sometimes “Yes Dear” Isn’t the healthiest thing for your relationship

I know in past relationships, I’ve done this and it’s a real problem.

Like sometimes you squish bits of yourself in on yourself to make room for your partner, and if you keep on doing that, sometimes they just get more and more used to being accommodated and your partner starts to think “if they’ll give up so much to keep the peace they must not mind/must not be any good” and they keep asking you to squish yourself more and more until eventually they ask you to squish down some part of you you can’t squish and you can’t and by that time they’re so used to you being moldable to their needs that the whole thing breaks down

You Know I Used To Think That Romance Novels Would Never Work If The Characters Communicated Like Normal People

Now I know they would and that I apparently don’t communicate like a normal person.  I have seen so many cases of “I am SUPER mad at X because they did Y, but don’t tell X I’m mad that they did Y.”

or “I’m really upset at X, because they did Y to A, but A told me not to talk about the fact that X did Y to them, or why they’re upset”

I see this shit CONSTANTLY.  I hate it.  

You know I think often times when you see older chronically single straight women

It’s not that they’re failures or don’t know how to keep a man or are too demanding or whatever, I think a lot of them just are very homosocial and like haven’t prioritized finding a partner cause they don’t actually want or need one that much but have usually been told that they should have one so many times they feel kind of shitty about it, when really it’s just like “You’re probably a confirmed bachelorette and are better off casually dating sometimes or fucking somebody”

and like I just feel like there are a lot of hetero women who don’t actually like being around men that much and IDK I feel like there are a lot of women who are straight but don’t relate well to dudes and kind of never will and because society tells women they’re failures if they’re not in relationships, these women often end up quite unhappy when they shouldn’t have to be

Relationships Are Kinda Like Going Out To Eat

Like you know what?  Going out to eat if there’s not a place you actually want to go is kinda pointless, why go out to eat if there’s no place good?  If you’re tired or whatever maybe just order take out, why go sit in the restaurant if you’re already tired.

Don’t be in relationships for the sake of being in a relationship or married, your default state should not be “I want to get married” even if you’re into the whole marriage dealy, it should be “I want to get married if I meet someone I want to marry’

Just like you rarely “just want to go out to eat” you want to go out if there’s somewhere you want to go.