Tag: sex

Masculine Coded Masochism vs. Feminine Coded Masochism

The iconography of sexual submission is sort of… separated into gender coded categories and I think they’re sort of coded like this (this is not to say this accurately reflects individual people’s desires/motivations, but that like the depictions in most bdsm porn are coded this way, and like cultural perceptions about the motivation for this behavior are considered differently based on gender):
Masculine coded masochism/submission is associated with the tradition of courtly love, the willingness to subjugate oneself to the object of one’s desire, to go on the quest, to be enslaved by love. To prove oneself to the desired object. It is about desiring someone so intensely that you act *for* them.

Feminine coded masochism/submission is associated with the desire to be so intensely desired that one is sexually “devoured” by one’s lover. It is about someone wanting you so intensely that they act *upon* you

One might simplify this by saying: men act and women appear. Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at.

John Berger – Ways Of Seeing

I think I want most of all to observe as well as to be observed. I desire a partner who revels in being desirable to me as well as desiring me… revels not only in my desire but in the knowledge of their own desirability. They watch and watch themselves being watched. A lot of fem dom iconography is based upon the idea that women should get off on the power of being desired… and that feminine power resides in passively being desired rather than pursuing the objects of one’s own desire. I don’t think enjoying one’s own desirability is inherently a problem, enjoying being watched and desired… I think the fact desire for another and the desire to be desired are fractured and separated from one another is the problem. I think that one of the reasons I’m a sub is because I want a partner who wants to be worshipped for their desirability, who doesn’t see that as a weakness, while also desiring me. I don’t sexually enjoy being worshipped, because if I am a deity, what does some mortal have to offer me? I am reduced to the role of a statue of Venus. I also do not want to have to “be the man” in that I am to desire without being physically desired. I think perhaps I like the bimbofication/transformation scenarios I do because in a certain way it’s me going “okay, I desire this person, what can I do to make myself desirable to them, to make myself an appealing object of observation to them?” because someone interested in having me turn myself into their ideal lust object specifically due to their erotic appeal is initially aroused by being desired (as displayed in the willingness to modify my appearance extensively, suffer pain and humiliation *for* them) but then desires me once I’ve made myself into the thing they desire, if that makes sense.

thepeacockangel:

I’m the kind of person who bakes awesome pies and makes you tea and has stories about drunkenly doing a vom all over some dude’s dick

Remember that guy? He was the fashion designer I left in a train station for calling my little brother the f slur. Also he called my cunt my “woo woo”

That was overall a weird series of incidents

I Have Like An Issue With People Loving Mousey Repressed Women In Media

Probably because I was one at one point and I had to get over it my damned self but ALSO I HAVE LEGITIMATE REASONS.

Women being seen as cute for being like that, fetishized for like “innocence” or whatever… grosses me the fuck out.

I’m so sick of the girl who’s too shy to ask for what she wants being the “good” one, and any woman who wants anything anything for herself, sexually or otherwise being demonized.

IDK I’m watching The Magicians and Alice is irritating the everloving shit out of me.

Is It Just Me Or Like… Is Human Sexuality Really… Fragile or Maliable Or Squishy or Something?

Like it’s so easy for sexual situations to feel wrong and bad and off and for even consensual sex to be upsetting and traumatic and like also it feels like our lives have effects on our sexuality that go much further and in much more extreme directions than they do on a lot of the rest of our basic drives.  Like no one needs to wear a big bird mask to feel into eating food.

It’s sort of the reverse of pop Freudianism.  Like everything isn’t about sex, sex is about everything.