How Can I Hate Most Dude Subs SO Much

But then every time I see Lux Interior I’m like “IT ME”

Ordering A Sub To Join His Local IWW

After finding out he didn’t vote (and yelling at him then realizing I think electoral politics are mostly useless… and so ordering him to do direct action instead)

Note to self: Make sub put Nylabone up his ass

Not any sub in particular

Just get one to do it.

Some Of The Best/Worst Things I Have Made Subs Do

Superglue pennies to his nipples

Eat peanut butter mixed with dirt to see what would happen

Draw a zebra

Mix jizz with milk and drink the milk to see what it would taste like

Shampoo in the urethra to see what would happen

Put a broom up his ass and sweep the floor with it

put a peeled banana up his ass

Q-tip covered in icy hot down the urethra and light the other end on fire

Cover his dick in glitter glue and fuck the toe hole of an open toed shoe

Jizz on a cupcake and eat the cupcake

Go out and sell copies of the Industrial Worker so I can be Tony Cliff (this is only funny if you know a lot about Trotskyist cults)

Read Mao

Write “I am not a shameful jerkoff monkey so I will not act like one” 500 times.

Admit New Zealanders are sexually superior to Australians.

Read incredibly bad slash fanfic and then write me a book report

Learn French

Wear a moose hat draped in mardigras beads and nothing else and run around outside

Only masturbate while listening to the Benny Hill theme until he developed a pavlovian response

Have a fetish for sitting on cakes using hypnosis

Dress up as a jackalope and root through garbage

Play Secondlife with me as my dog.

So Apparently That Happened

Sub: Thank you so much for never letting me date
So even without trying this girl went to talk to me…and laughed about how I look and such
Me: Wow what’d she say?
Sub: Just called me white boy and laughed.
Me: Fair enough

Some of the best roleplays my clients have requested:

Mad scientist who captures men and tickles them eternally with a tickling machine

Doc Johnson Tech Support

Electro-convulsive therapy machine where the electrodes were my feet

Augustus Gloop’s mother

Witch who tickles people to death

Queen of the fairies

High priestess of the cut your dick off with scissors cult

Mean hairdresser who takes off too much

Vengeful ghost.

Apple support worker

A+ job Niteflirt callers

Timing your calls for when I’m at the hairdresser or seated across from a tiny child at the Apple Store

Captain Obvious

Client: What is therapist roleplay?
Me: It’s a roleplay where I pretend to be a therapist.
Client: What’s demon roleplay?
Me: It’s a roleplay where I pretend to be a demon.
Client: What’s teacher roleplay?
Me: It’s a roleplay where I pretend to be a teacher. In your case I would be teaching remedial using your goddamn brain for one second.

A sub bought me two corsets and a soviet flag

But what I really need is a mutualist flag for the halloween party

Dude wanted me to put a spell on him

and the spell to be in another language, so I read him the Latin Mass.