As A Mentally Ill Person (TW: Suicide)

I feel that refusing to acknowledge that sometimes toxic behaviors are treatable side effects of mental illness is actually ableist and it fucking upsets me.

I mean like Richard Chase (TW: Pretty much everything, do not read about him if you are feeling even remotely delicate) is a really good example. When his abusive mom took him off his meds, he did like truly unspeakable things. After he was caught and medicated again he killed himself because he couldn’t cope with the horrific shit he’d done. His case is obviously massively rare, but I think it gets my point across.

Like the whole “Toxic behaviors are never symptoms of mental illness” feels like NTs making excuses for demonizing people who have done fucked up shit as a result of mental illness and then calling anyone who challenges them on that ableist.

I’m thinking of taking out a life insurance policy

To give myself a reason not to off myself for at least two years… it’s not just Trump, this year’s been hard emotionally and financially, shit happened in the IWW that really broke shit and broke up my friend group.

There are people who hate me for no reason, think I’m a monster…. I’m scared of losing my access to healthcare. I had a brief fucked up relationship with a woman outside of my marriage and it ended badly and I feel horrible and disgusted with myself for it even though I was completely honest about it. I hate my body. I hate my own neurosis and inability to consistently do things most people do.

I determined to stay and fight but I’m worn out and was never much good to start with. I’m getting older and I can see the signs of it. I just don’t want to hurt the people I love…. and yes this is me seeking attention, yes this is a cry for help because I feel this way and I’m scared and please help me.

Hey, so look, first of all don’t off yourself.

There are a lot of good reasons for this which can be found all over the place elsewhere and resources out there to help you.

But secondly, if you’re going to try and do that, please for the love of god do not use any of the NSAID pain relievers or acetaminophen. No aspirin, no ibuprofen, no naproxen, no

ketoprofen (No aleve, no paracetamol, no motrin and so on and so forth).

It is a slow and agonizingly painful death. These are acidic blood thinners. They will damage your liver and destroy your gastrointestinal system while causing massive hemorrhaging.

I’ve seen what a relatively small overdose caught in time can do to someone. I have never in my life heard someone scream like that, and I hope I never hear anything like it again. They didn’t sound human anymore. Honestly, the word “scream” doesn’t feel like it can properly convey the horror of those awful noises, the anguish beyond anguish on their contorted face. In most cases doctors will be able to save you, but the pain will be immense. There will be vomiting and ungodly bloody diarrhea whether you live or die. It will be REALLY REALLY bad.

Don’t do that to yourself. Please, please do not choose that way to check out.

Male Stoicism is backed up by an incredible amount of emotional labor from women

nigcka:

thepeacockangel:

Like men are able to get away with never expressing of requesting help with their feelings because women are trained from a very young age to observe men, watch for signs of emotional need and environmental stressors and deal with them without being asked. It’s why women worry constantly about emasculating the men in their lives but men never worry about “efeminating” the women in their lives.

Men are “stoic” only because they don’t have to communicate in order to get their emotional needs met.

This is frustratingly wrong in explaining the situation. Men are not healthy and benefiting from society dictating that they must be stoic and unexpressive just as women are not healthy or benefiting, and this fact is clearly backed by men having a much higher suicide rate.

No one benefits by societies cruel and incorrect gender ideas, except Hollywood and beauty products.

If you want to be a vehicle for social change, you need to think much bigger than this.

And yet women attempt suicide at a much much higher rate (there are within the US three attempts by women for every one by a man). The only reason the male suicide rate is higher is because men tend to use more effective methods like guns and hanging, rather than poisoning or drug overdose.

The reason for this is women don’t want to leave an awful mess for whoever finds them (which often backfires because of vomiting and so on, but still) poisoning and drug overdose are not as immediately lethal so there’s a greater chance of the woman being found and helped before death occurs.

Men do not want to kill themselves more, they just manage to succeed more often.

Also men are more likely than women to attempt to suicide after losing a partner to death or a breakup, because they no longer have immediate access to someone to deal with their emotions for them