Is that it attempts to resolve a problem by denying a problem, if that makes sense?  Like “everyone is beautiful” is a nice sentiment but at the same time, we all know, that no, there’s a social standard and no not everyone fits it, there is a standard of what beauty is and that’s undeniable.  There is “more beautiful” and “less beautiful” according to the shitty standard imposed by society.

And so while I can see beauty in everyone, I still know the standard is there, pretending that “no everyone does fit the standard” doesn’t help or pretending that the standard isn’t there doesn’t deconstruct the standard.

It’s still there, looming over everything and I think honestly it will be until we abolish the idea that beautiful is something you have to be in order to be good or valuable.

Admittedly a lot of my body issues are control ones, I don’t necessarily want to be beautiful, but there is a specific look I want, a look that’s exaggerated, extreme and over the top and the idea of not being in control of my appearance freaks me mightily the fuck out.

However also I currently know that I fit the standard of beauty rather well, and that there have been times in my life (significant portions of my formative years) where I did not fit the standard, and I know how differently people treated me.

Sometimes it feels like beauty is all I have because when I wasn’t beautiful no one heard me or paid me any attention whatsoever and now?  people do.  I’m still fundamentally the same person and yet?  I get treated with so much more patience, compassion, respect and general kindness than I did when I wasn’t pretty and that’s fucked up