The Quality of Light

The air is like bath water as I walk to the corner store and I see into people’s windows, family photos and personal touches in their interior decor, a table in the shape of an elephant, a beaded lamp shade, a fancy coffee maker, a map of the world, and I love them for their familiar humanity, for the too hot night air we’re all breathing, for the sounds of the city on a Sunday night.

I want to write a love letter to the cracks in the sidewalks of my neighborhood, to the smell of food wafting out of opened windows, the quality of the light in Providence on summer nights like these.

I wish I had my own fandom

so my ridiculous jokes about my own characters would land.

Cause like: 

My character Kai being like: “Demons get too bad of a rep, people are like ‘aghhhh demon scary!’ when I’ve done literally nothing to deserve this?  I’m so sweet and nice.” and his boyfriend looking at him like “….” and Kai being like “Yes, right, I’ve done one thing to deserve this”

A Poem I Wrote At 19: Things That Are Blue and Black

Once I had a lover to whom I would feed small pieces of my heart, until there was nothing left.  When he was hungry he came to me, and asked for more, and so I opened my ribs and said to him “there is no more”

And he looked at me and said “I am starving” and so I cut off a piece of my liver and offered it to him, but he said to me “it is bitter” and pushed the plate away.
So I stroked his head, and told him I was sorry, but he would not look at me, and I found that the little nest of gauze and silver wire where I had kept my heart ached when it was empty, so into it, I put a picture of my lover in a silver frame, but that made my chest ache when he would not look at me, so I told him that I would get the heart of a young calf, and see if the meat pleased him.  

But he said to me, “no, it is for you I hunger, give me your soul”

So I took it from the hope chest where I had kept it, neatly folded, among the linens stored with sachets of rose petals, and gave it to him, asking that he eat only half, and he told me “You are greedy” and so I gave it to him whole, and he was full again.

One day though, I became hungry, so I went to him and I asked him “May I have a piece of your heart, I am hungry” and he looked at me and said “No, for if you eat my heart, I will have no heart, and the iron cage in which I keep it will ache for being empty.”

So I said to him, “but see,” I said, opening my rib’s to show him my silver nest with his picture in it, “I have given you my heart, and to fill nest where I had kept it I have this picture of you.”

But he shook his head, “but if I were to do that, then it would ache were you to look away from me, yours aches when I look away from you, does it not?”
“Yes, so you must give me your heart so that I may eat it.”

“Your aches are your own,” he said, with a laugh, getting up from the table.

I’m Working on a Horror Short Story Inspired By My Dog

And D was like “Your muse is a 64-pound caramel coloured pitbull born on Halloween”

and I thought of the nine muses and imagined like:

  1. Calliope – Epic poetry
  2. Clio – History
  3. Euterpe – Music, Song, and Lyric Poetry
  4. Erato – Love poetry
  5. Melpomene – Tragedy
  6. Polyhymnia – Hymns
  7. Thalia – Comedy
  8. TerpsichoreDance
  9. Urania – Astronomy
  10. and Tonka – Horror

and then I was imagining Tonka in a Chiton and laurel wreath