Is that it attempts to resolve a problem by denying a problem, if that makes sense? Like “everyone is beautiful” is a nice sentiment but at the same time, we all know, that no, there’s a social standard and no not everyone fits it, there is a standard of what beauty is and that’s undeniable. There is “more beautiful” and “less beautiful” according to the shitty standard imposed by society.
And so while I can see beauty in everyone, I still know the standard is there, pretending that “no everyone does fit the standard” doesn’t help or pretending that the standard isn’t there doesn’t deconstruct the standard.
It’s still there, looming over everything and I think honestly it will be until we abolish the idea that beautiful is something you have to be in order to be good or valuable.
Admittedly a lot of my body issues are control ones, I don’t necessarily want to be beautiful, but there is a specific look I want, a look that’s exaggerated, extreme and over the top and the idea of not being in control of my appearance freaks me mightily the fuck out.
However also I currently know that I fit the standard of beauty rather well, and that there have been times in my life (significant portions of my formative years) where I did not fit the standard, and I know how differently people treated me.
Sometimes it feels like beauty is all I have because when I wasn’t beautiful no one heard me or paid me any attention whatsoever and now? people do. I’m still fundamentally the same person and yet? I get treated with so much more patience, compassion, respect and general kindness than I did when I wasn’t pretty and that’s fucked up
This is a topic I’ve given a lot of thought myself, particularly as somebody who wants to change their body and has some more exaggerated concepts of self image, as well as somebody really vulnerable to the potential damage our concepts of beauty can wreak.
And despite all that, I do ask the question; is it possible, or even desirable, to deconstruct the idea of a standard of beauty? Obviously, there’s some real toxicity to the concept as it stands. It definitely needs to be reviewed, retooled. Stripped of it’s racism, ableism and more. And we DEFINITELY need to embrace that beauty is is not something you need to have to be good, valuable or valid.
But we have no issue with the concept of other traits. We are willing to say some people are smart, or even brilliant. We are willing to say this trait is desirable. And, though we’ve made our mistakes (awful, awful mistakes) as people, we finally seem to be embracing that not being particularly smart does not mean you lack worth, or lack the right the a decent life. Obviously, many more examples can be made of almost any other trait.
Why is beauty different? Obviously, I agree that pretending a problem doesn’t exist does not suddenly make it not exist. But outside of codifying beauty based on imperialistic, exploitative standards, why are is it a problem to say that any given physical attribute is more desirable than another? There is certainly subjectiveness to beauty, but there seem to be objectively desirable traits as well, such as clear skin.
It strikes me that the issue is how radically we overvalue a single trait, particularly in women, as a marker of worth, rather than the trait itself.
It seems disingenuous to pretend we all have equal distributions of desirable traits. To ignore that we lack things, not because we’re flawed, but because we simply don’t possess them. It would be fair to say that we are not all particularly funny, or particularly smart, or particularly athletic, or particularly empathetic, or indeed particularly beautiful. And I’m suspicious of the idea that, rather than embrace the worth and worthiness of all people regardless of appearance, ability, talent or otherwise, we deconstruct descriptors of them in order to try to combat the damage our lack of valuing has done.
Because beauty is entirely subjective really, everyone is Helen of Troy to someone
Like clear skin? Desirable to many people, but then there are acne fetishists so like… no?
Thoughts From The Peacock Angel 