Shit I Say While Walking My Very Large Very Enthusiastic Pitbull

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  1. “He’s just very friendly”
  2. “Tonka no, Tonka No, TONKA NO!”
  3. “You asshole”
  4. “Don’t eat that” (commanding)
  5. “Don’t eat that” (pleading)
  6. “No, NO, WE ARE NOT RUNNING INTO TRAFFIC!”
  7. “Goddamnit why are you so strong?”
  8. “I really need to find your no pull harness”
  9. “Goddamnit, NO”
  10. “Yup those sure are some interesting smells”
  11. “That’s not our car”
  12. “Buddy, that’s not our house”
  13. “Let the nice man eat his lunch”
  14. (quietly) “please please don’t try to jump on that tiny little old lady, I know you have the best of intentions but you’re very very large”
  15. “Buddy, I know you love new people but not everybody wants to make friends right now”
  16. “He’s just *very* friendly”
  17. “If you keep this up I am going to be buff as fuck”
  18. “…wait a second while mommy grabs your poop”
  19. “Yup you sure do like peeing on that one particular leaf pile”
  20. “Come on, bug”
  21. “We’re going home, mommy’s tired”
  22. “We’re going this way so mommy can get rid of your poop”
  23. “Oh please god no" 
  24. "That dog doesn’t want to play right now, buddy, buddy, he’s literally trying to bite you right now, buddy get your goddamned nose out of his ass RIGHT NOW”
  25. “heh, he’s a boy I just like pink”
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Published by Madeira Darling

Madeira Darling is a snarky mystic, devout Satanist, serious Marxist, laughing dominatrix, and writer from San Fransisco where they live with their boyfriend in a house full of altars to their various demons.

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