She’s Got Class

Client: You have Beauty and Class
Me: Thank you. My class is proletarian.
Client: Nice I like it
Me: Thank you, it is a good one.

At last night’s office committee meeting:

A discussion on whether decorative finials are bourgeois

AND

An airing of concerns over whether craigslist furniture is likely to be absolutely soaked in jizz

As a teenager I once bought a bunch of Ritalin (there are reasons, it’s a long story) but then got scared my parents would find it. So I took it all that night and ended up writing a hundred pages of Harry Potter slash fanfic where Harry was a hipster and Draco was a scene kid while feeling like I was on the verge of a heart attack.

And that children is why you don’t do drugs.

Slooowly radicalizing the local gothic lolita com through facebook posts

as praxis.

I’m Registered As A Democrat

and they sent me a survey about what issues I care about and I wrote “The abolition of capitalism and the state” as my number one issue in every section.

You know the kind of girl, where at first you’re like “I don’t really see what everyone is making a big deal about, she’s not that hot” and then the more you get to know her, the hotter her personality and mannerisms and shit make her?

I am the opposite.

Me Doing Webcam

Me: what are you into?
Dude: What can you get me into? lol
Me: Probably a shipping container, or a refrigerator box.
Dude: Haha, too funny
Me: I’m here all week, tip your waitress

Me To My Past Self

Me: Hey, hey you, yeah you, the version of me without titties.
Past me: What?
Me: Communism will win.
Past me: Holy shit.

Another one of the best things I have ever written:

“I am sorry about…“ he trailed off, using a gesture to indicate something that might have been ‘what happened’ or ‘running off without any explanation’ or ‘the fact that your mother walked in on us and you ended up with jizz in your eye’

Ok but how many of you still think I’m kidding about abolishing capitalism?

I have not had a sense of humor since I became a communist. It’s the rules.