Tag: humor

streammap:

thepeacockangel:

streammap:

thepeacockangel:

harikondabolu:

A fan made this image of my tweet and I appreciate it.

That said Monopoly was kind of designed to show you how miserable and shitty capitalism is.

So long as you’re not a sore loser, it’s a lot of fun!

Ok I’m kidding. But seriously winning is fun. Both in monopoly and capitalism.

Yes, winning a game in a rigged system where your birth drastically effects the amount of money you start with is super fucking fun for the people whose lives are built on the backs of the workers.

Play the cards in your hand, whatever they are

Oh look I got revolution, all bourgois players must either submit all their property for redistribution or go immediately to the gulag.

Do not pass go.  Do not receive 200 dollars.

I don’t understand how people can send their partners downstairs by themselves to check on things when things go bump in the night

Cause like waiting for them is fucking way scarier than going down with them, waiting is like “Well they’ve probably been murdered and any minute the murderer will open the bedroom door and I won’t have anywhere to run” whereas if you go with them, you know you can bean the hypothetical murderer from behind with a heavy flashlight while your partner has them distracted. IDK I feel it’s the less terrifying option.

Me reading Lenin: Leftists have been exactly the same since the beginning of time.  Nothing has ever changed.  We have squabbled since the beginning, we squabble now and we will squabble for all eternity… god what a dick, good point about terrorism being a shitty replacement for broad political agitation though, that bit’s good that bit can stay.

Seriously though, have you considered the potential awesomeness (and horror) of a country lead by me?

Like I mean yes, there’d be fantastic leftist economic and social reform, but like I’d also probably have the guy who wrote a Horse With No Name imprisoned for crimes against humanity (and by humanity I mean me specifically).

Also I’d probably subsidize the perfume and cosmetics industry more than is strictly necessary, and I’d have most brutalist architecture torn down and replaced with neo-victorian/hollywood regency monstrosities.

Me as an edgy stand up comic: Oh look at me burning whale oil and wearing bloomers, I’m so politically incorrect, check out my cutting edge victrola.  I say the edgy things everyone thinks but is too PC to say, like that anxious people shouldn’t eat watercress because it’s too exciting to the nervous system, and that one must always wear flannel petticoats so as not to catch a deadly chill.  Yeah, I’m offensive, I’ll tell you that excessively flavored food ruins the complexion, unlike those boring PC liars.

Me: I hate tossing half full beauty products, I’m not buying any more skin care products until I finish some of these.
Me: Oooooh Avon is having a sale on scented body lotion.
Me: I am a parody of myself, it is seven thirty in the morning. If god chooses today to kill me it will be my own fault.